I drive by Merion every morning on the way to work, so it was fascinating to watch the landscape evolve as the USGA worked feverishly to make sure the course was prepared.  While rain threatened some major trouble, the course stood up extremely well.  Torrential rain during the practice rounds before the US Open began had many predicting a low-scoring event.  In the end, Justin Rose won his first major and finished 1-over for the tournament.

Concerns ran so high that there was a plan ready to be executed to play two holes on the West Course if the two lowest holes on the East Course were under water.  Numbers 11 (one of golf’s most famous hole – Bobby Jones secured his Grand Slam on Merion’s 11th) and 12 are both bisected by Cobb’s Creek.  When I used to caddy at Merion, I saw the creek overflow to the point where only a few square feet of 11’s green was visible.  That meant multiple bunkers around the green and a sizable chunk of the fairway were completely under water.  Fortunately, Merion was spared  – though the effort from the USGA and Merion’s grounds crew was monumental.

Check out some pictures by clicking on the picture below.  All of the pictures were taken on the weekend preceding the US Open. The East course was open to the public for four days (Thursday through Sunday) prior to the practice rounds.  When I went the weather was picture perfect and everything was set up flawlessly.  While we were not allowed onto the actual holes, the roads around Merion run close enough that you can literally walk up to the edge of the fairway on many holes.

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+Cliff Satell

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Williams telling something absolutely crucial to Adam Scott, the guy who actually hits the ball.

Basically, the guy’s really, really, really good at his job.  And his job is to carry a moderately heavy bag filled with tiny white balls and a couple dozen shiny long metal rods.  And read off some numbers every once in a while from a map-like book in his front pocket.  He gets to where a spiffy uniform for his job, and even gets to be on TV nearly every day when he ends his morning commute.  He gets to stroll around immaculately groomed links while being ensured at least 10% of whatever his partner earns that day.  Not a bad gig if you can get it.

So how is it that someone like me would waste my time writing about someone like Steve Williams?  How is it that this guy has become a household name doing a job that usually gets you about as much fame and fortune as professional cat grooming?  Well, in addition to all of the wonderful things I’ve mentioned, Steve Williams also happens to be a world-class jackass.  Not just an average jackass.  Not even a better-than-average jackass.  But a truly gifted, one of a kind, jackass extraordinaire.

I suppose that deserves a mild explanation, at least, as to how I come to this remarkable conclusion.  For starters, the guy’s never seen a camera he didn’t want to either A) immediately steal and drop-kick into the nearest lake, or B) cozy up to with a fervent passion for self-promotion.  Consider his supremely lame “speech” after his boss, Adam Scott, won the Bridgestone Invitational this weekend.

“I’ve been caddying for 33 years and this has been the best week of my life,” said Williams. “I’m not joking. I’m never, ever going to forget this week. It’s the greatest week of my life.

He went on to reminisce about how this was “his” 145th career “victory.”  More important to his eloquent words, however, was what Stevie left out.  As Jason Sobel of the Golf Channel put it:

During the short interview, though, Williams never showed any humility for his role in the victory. He never acknowledged the irony in a caddie getting more attention than the player. And most importantly, he never mentioned [his boss Adam] Scott. Didn’t say he was thankful for the opportunity to work with him nor did he commend him for such stellar play.  Instead, Williams ensured that he would be the biggest story on this day, rather than deflecting all glory to the man who finished atop the leaderboard.

Those things seem like no-brainers for virtually anyone in Williams’ position to mention.  He’s the freakin caddy!  He didn’t hit a single ball on a single hole.  Adam Scott “won” the tournament, not Steve Williams.  No more than the bat boy won the World Series for the Phillies in 2008.  Sure, someone had to pick up the bat every time Ryan Howard struck out.  God forbid someone important like Jayson Werth tripped on it running out to his position.  But I bet the Phillies would have been just fine without their star bat-boy.  And while it’s true that this victory was Adam Scott’s first in a year, Williams’ completely open, me-first agenda is nauseating.  I mean, he could have at least mentioned the guy who’s money he’s about to claim as his earnings.

Steve Williams was Tiger’s caddie for 14 years and they became best of friends.  As everyone likes to point out, they even attended each other’s weddings (where were ya on that one Stevie??).  But when Tiger was sidelined with an injury earlier this year, Steve Williams – New Zealand’s second most famous citizen after Peter Jackson – suddenly found himself unemployed and without a steady paycheck.  Now, I would assume that his cut of the “winnings” from 13 Major Championships and 130-some other PGA victories would have built up to something pretty sizable by this point in time.  But maybe Steve has a bigger penchant for Lamborghinis and silk caddie uniforms than I would have.  Either way, the guy ain’t poor.  But, he ain’t Tiger-rich either.  So he found a new job, like the millions of other laid-off American workers.  And then Tiger fired him, presumably for being a jackass.

And as soon as he was done ripping Tiger for being so damn good with the ladies, Steve Williams went right ahead and continued ripping his ex-boss at every turn.  Amazing, but true.  Steve Williams is one of the very few people in America who can make Tiger Woods look entirely sympathetic.  That’s no easy feat.  All Williams likes to think about is himself, which probably was not helped by the fans chanting his name and screaming for him as he and Scott marched up the 18th fairway on Sunday.

So, yeah, the guy’s a good – no, great – caddie.  But when the word “caddie” comes after the word “great”, the entire sentence kind of looses it’s mystique.  Somehow, just like Ryan Howard, I think Tiger will be just fine when he gets his groove back and returns to his old  self.  And if he was as spiteful as some claim, he might just do it with a random spectator on his bag, Happy Gilmore style.

Obligatory Caddyshack reference for a golf post.

Check out pics from the 2013 US Open at Merion Golf Club.  Don’t worry, Steve Williams isn’t in any of them.

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